Category: Writers Block
Hey there guys. I am posting the beginning chapter to a novel I am writing. I am currently at Chapter 4, and posting for feedback. If you have any suggestions, comments, things you wish to see, critiques, please fill free to let me know. Hope you enjoy.
this is going to be straight from a word doc, so hopefully forum format is manageable. If you don't understand anything, please fill free to comment on that as well.
For clerity sakes, I will start posting the chapter under the post you are reading, and then keep posting until the chapter is done.
Enjoy!
“Hey! Get up! Get up! You are going to be late, Velvana!”
A girl lay slumped in her bed as her mom began shaking her to get her up. She usually had to do some kind of yelling or annoying stunt to get Velvana up. It was already 7:45am and Velvana was going to be late for the Moon Exam.
“Alright already, I am getting up, Mother. Quit your yelling in my ear.”
Velvana stood up straightening her crystal blue hair. “Man, moms are sure annoying when it comes to the morning practices.”
“You also need to clean up your room, young lady. You’re 20-years-old and you still manage to keep your room messy.”
Velvana was an adopted child. At the age of 13, her parents died through mysterious events that were kept under wraps. Velvana herself was not aware of how her parents died exactly, but one thing was for certain, her parents were involved in something more tragic than just a typical event. During Velvana’s troublesome time, Mahiro offered to take her in. Mahiro was of close relation towards Velvana’s parents, and was always seen as someone who was a sisterly figure to Velvana. At the time, Velvana had barely been accepted to the Lunar Academy, while Mahiro was at the age of 21, and was furthering her studies to improve her skills. Mahiro was Velvana’s closest relation at the time and offered her assistance. Now that she was the only one she had for who she could trust, Velvana had always saw her as a greater figure than just someone who she was close to.
Velvana’s mother started cleaning her room. She dusted the top dresser that was covered with little framed pictures of their family. She noticed a book entitled Study Guide for the Moon Exam.
“Well, at least I know you attempted to study.”
“Did you think I would just fall asleep, Mother?” Velvana pulled out her clothes, and changed out of her pajamas.
“Well, seeing as you’re irresponsible half the time,” Her mom gazed at her with a smile and laughed. “Get a move on now, you will be late. You need to go see Mr. Saon in order for you to find out what team you will be apart of for the exam.”
“I am so excited!” Velvana stopped after coming out from the restroom. “How do I look, Mother?”
Velvana brushed her long blue hair again. She stood up straight as she walked in her ocean blue duster, black skirt and white pendent complimenting her beauty. As she walked around the room, a sense of great willpower could be felt throughout the moment.
“Well, aren’t you looking quite nice today. Just remember to concentrate on your exam, and don’t get so distracted in the heat of the moment ok?”
“Yes, I know mother. Of course, you have already done this right? Can you at least let me know what to expect?”
Mahiro smiled, fixing Velvana’s bed. “Well now, I cannot tell you anything to help you, you must find your own path as I once did. One more thing before you go, try to get up earlier and do your own work, I have my own work to do, you know? I may have adopted you, but I am not too old as to keep an eye on everything you do. You’re a little handful sometimes you know?”
“I know, but you’re the closest thing to a mom that I have, without you pulling me out during my parents’ death, who knows where I might have ended up. It’s thanks to you that I am raised for who I am, and I am sure my parents would have been very proud to see me where I stand today.”
As Velvana left the room, she walked towards the door to begin her walk towards the academy.
“May the moon bless you with guidance of faith.” Mahiro waved her hand, as Velvana walked out of her house.
Velvana was a person who tried to make something of everything that she set out to do. She went through a rough time in her early years but the fact that her biological parents were now gone, she told herself that one day she would reach as high of a pedestal that her mother once did.
For the most part, rumors circulated the academy ever since that time. Car wrecks, murder, exile, things people would assume without knowing too much information. In Velvana’s mind, her parents were considered to be involved with an event on a larger scale then just your typical everyday car wreck. Although, something as simple as a car wreck does set her mind at ease from time to time. Knowing that her parents died though is one of the reasons why she was attempting to reach a position of higher learning among the academy.
As she continued her walk outside of her house, she noticed many students beginning their morning rush towards school. “Hey there guys, morning to you.”
Two students immediately turned their heads as they saw who it was. They were both younger then her, and barely starting to commence their long journey. A young boy spoke as he ran from behind her, “Hey there Velvana, nice day isn’t it. Say, I just wanted to let you know that I am sorry for what happened many years ago with your parents. I am only a couple years in our academy , but your story is something people always talk about.” The young boy held his books tight, pressing them against his shirt.
“Thank you, at the time people always told me how amazed they were at seeing me still continue my studies. It is something that will always guide me, but now that I am older, I have come to terms with it. Thanks for your concern though. Velvana smiled, continuing her walk towards the academy.
The streets were always as chaotic as people walked towards school. Mostly, people walked to school since it was closer then most places, and it usually wasn’t a heavy walk. Usually students used hover boards to get to further locales, but since the Lunar Academy was at the center of the town, students usually ignored the idea of using their boards to ride into school. Besides, having students bundled in front of a parking lot with their boards, would just further the chaotic scene. What with having a big population in each district, huge blocks of traffic is the last thing most students wanted to deal with.
“Guidance… the study guide focused on guidance….,” Velvana stayed in thought, looking at a neon city light in a shape of a moon. “I am sure there is something important why guidance keeps ringing through my mind like that…”
Velvana passed many locales among which were shops and small restaurants to kill time. Continuing her leisurely walk, she came to the half way point that led towards the academy. “ID please?” A woman stood behind a counter controlling a sliding gate which people pass through the sector where the academy was located. Someone was always working around this area, since it was located in the middle of the half way point. Everyone had an ID Disc that held all records of who they were, to where they were from. Each sector located in certain parts of the district had an ID Check Point. Within each district there were five ID Check Points which led to different parts located within the district.
Velvana looked up noticing the girl behind the counter. She was standing near the switch that blocked the path towards the next sector of Velvana’s district. “Oh hey there Fonna must be pretty busy for you today.”
Fonna was an older student, but kept a secure job in being an ID Checker, but also setting up school events behind the scenes. She was one of the major coordinators of school events, and also had a major influence on the presentation for each event.
“Here you go,” Velvana pulled out her circled silver disc handing it to Fonna.
She ran it through the scanner, handing it back to her. “Here you go Vel, sorry for the trouble, I know you come through here a lot as many people do, but you seemed in deep thought, so I had to say something.”
Velvana brushed her hair aside, “Not to worry, just had a lot on my mind that’s all. See you later Fonna, have to run towards school.” Velvana sprinted forwards as she jovially passed through the check point.
That girl, she place faith in happiness so much, and yet has a strong will of guidance. She is just like her mother. Well back to work. Fonna walked behind the switch, slumping back in a chair behind the counter.
“Almost there, just a bit more and I will be at the crossroad leading to the academy.” Velvana continued sprinting towards her destination. She stopped looking down at the path leading towards the academy. “Finally I am here, now all I have to do is cross through the running street next to the academy and I will finally be at school.”
The academy was at the center of Lily, a major city in the country of Salvana. The Lunar Academy was a place to train people who would some day watch over different districts of the town. Velvana lived in the Shila District, which was of a middle class region and was located just west of the campus. The academy focused on ranking students in accordance to their abilities and how they performed on the exams and given tasks.
As Velvana came closer and closer to the campus, she noticed many venues were set up on each side of the street. One particular one was F’s Core, which was owned by Falco and one of the most popular food venders who was always traveling from place to place. He usually set up his booth close to huge crowds, or places he thought that would bring in a good amount of customers. Velvana looked towards her right noticing the sign label for F’s Core.
“Hey there Velvana, how’s it going in Shi District?” A man behind a counter spoke up in a calm voice.
“Not bad at all Falco, I am getting ready to take my first major exam since entering the academy. It’s been seven years of studying and advancement, but now I think I am ready to start training for becoming a Lunar Class Student.”
Falco smiled, giving her thumbs up. “You students always have worked to do don’t you? Well I suppose it makes for good viewing, seeing as you are always looking nice. Besides, I like watching from the sidelines. Gives me a chance to see beautiful women, and make some cash selling food to my customers. Of course within certain limitations though. Your ceremonies held bring quite the crowd, and gives me a chance to cash in. By the way, would you like a Pasta Bread?”
Pasta Bread was a type of sandwich that contained seafood such as seaweed mixed with red sauce and noodles. The sandwich was a high seller around the town of Lily. Most food venders tried to sell their products with something extra, or tried to mix in different ingredients to make their pasta bread different from other sellers. Falco himself was a popular person, when it came to food that is. He was somewhat calm, and had a charismatic personality. At any rate, his food was some of the best in town, and crowds always gathered towards him to taste his delicious breads.
“No thanks, but thanks for the offer. See you later though.” Velvana walked off, continuing towards the academy. “This ought to be interesting, I don’t even know what the “MOON” exam even entailed, much less what the class meant itself.” Velvana straightened her hair, walking towards the academy.
End of Chapter 1
wait you say her parents died when she was 13, but she's 20 and talking to her mother.. then, I still didn't read the rest, but this sounds weird...
ah ok sorry, I had to understand the meaning of the word adopted that I didn't now. sorry
Wow! I like the concept! It's very Harry Potterish though, but i like it nonetheless.
keep it up! i'd like to read more!
Iris
Thanks for hte reply. I have done some toying with chapter 2, and some editing. and here it comes! I hope everyone enjoys. Please fill free to give any suggestions, comments, feedback of any kind! Hope to hear from you!
Fonzie
Chapter 2
Velvana quickly stopped, looking at the academy. She stared at the blue circlet overseeing the base of the radiant building. Every time I look at the Lunar Academy from a distance, it amazes me how beautiful it is.
“Morning Vel.”
Velvana looked around, noticing a voice calling to her.
“Over here Vel.”
A tall red headed woman walked towards Velvana. She had a slender build, and had a serious look to her. The odd thin was, her personality was between both serious and goofy. What made her serious itself was the fact that she looked athletic. She was the type of girl who had a burst of energy all the time, and always loved a good challenge.
“Hey there, Psyrus,” Velvana winked at her. “How is it going?
“Not bad at all actually. I am actually a bit nervous,” she stretched her legs as she was kicking back and fourth. “You know, I really had a good time last night. The dinner at my house was very nice, and with the studying I did, while listening to music, was very calming.
Velvana laughed. “I wonder who we are going to be partnered up with? I am hoping I get interesting people in my group. I hear we are partnered up in teams of three to four, and after the decision is made, we stay this way until we gain “LUNAR” status. I am actually excited!
They continued walking towards the school. The school was completely ominous. It gave off the feeling of mystery, but yet a pleasant atmosphere. It was the type of school that you knew something was always going to happen, a place that you knew you were going to learn, and a place where you knew held many secrets. The campus itself just radiated with the feeling of mystery and excitement all in one. Looking from afar, people could see a neon sign with the words LUNAR ACADAMY being sliced by a sword and charged by a mysterious surge of energy.
“Morning girls, fine day today isn’t it?” A man waved to the girls as they passed by.
“Sure is!” Psyrus energetically answered back.
As they walked through the long hallway they noticed one of the professors walking by.
“Hello there girls, are you ready for your examinations?” He gave a serious look while he spoke in a voice that was harsh, hiding his intentions.
Velvana looked towards a nearby door, as the professor was coming out of a classroom. “Hey, as long as you leave us alone, and stop looking at us.”
“WHAT! You ungrateful little.” He screamed. Damn upstart students, if I were fifteen years younger, I would show these girls what a good time is, and who their boss was. “Well fine then, I was just trying to encourage you and wish you good luck.”
Velvana laughs. “Whatever, Mr. Patouskie. You know we are trying are best, and want to excel, so don’t worry your pretty little head ok?” She gently rubbed his head as Psyrus rushed towards him with her hands directly positioned in a tackle.
“Why I oughta!”
As the professor was knocked back, Psyrus quickly moved away. “See you later professor”
He tried running after them, but as he stood up, he fell back to the ground. “Damn young girls…. I wish I was still young.” He sighed.
“Hey look at professor P.” A crowd looked at him and began laughing.
The girls continued on towards the gym. As Velvana walked along, she noticed a brown haired student with a black cap on.
“Psyrus, who’s that student over in the corner by the door to the gym,”
“Not sure Vel, but a lot of students are already heading inside though. so we better head in ourselves.”
The gym was big. It was a square shaped with a crescent in the very center of the gym. The gym was already filled with people shouting and screaming in preparation for their own upcoming exams. The entire gym was filled with people who were taking the beginning exam, and awaiting the instructions.
“Hey look who has arrived. It’s Velvana and her friend Psyrus.” A man pointed out their arrival as he sat down next to two of his friends.
Velvana and Psyrus were known throughout the academy. They were no trouble makers by any means, but the majority of the students at least knew her name and a couple of her friends she was always with. The rough time she went through after her parents passed away, was another reason why most people new her, since she really had a rough time dealing with it.
Velvana and Psyrus sat in the middle of the bleachers, to where Velvana could see the crescent shaped symbol. “Man the gym must be filled with over twenty people or so. I didn’t think there were that many people already trying out for the examinations. Only several teams win a year.” Velvana glared deeply at the crescent in the middle of the gym. She wanted to become someone of great potential, and reach “LUNAR” status. She knew it was a tough road, and her journey had only begun.
Both girls were close friends. They were of the same age, being three months apart. Seven years ago was the start of both of their journeys into the academy. Those long seven years were some of the cruelest times. Not only studying, but many events that haunted their own paths. Both refused to stray away from their paths, and took it upon themselves to travel as far as they could together.
Psyrus herself wanted to achieve “LUNAR” status, to better improve herself. Like Velvana, she also knew that their journey had just begun, and it could only get harder and harder.
Velvana pointed to the middle, “Psyrus look, and someone is heading towards the front of the gym.”
“Alright you sissies. Stop staring into space, and get into gear!” A tall man with shaggy hair yelled in their ears. He stood in the middle of the gym. He was dressed in gym shorts, and a white pull up shirt. “I hope you are all ready, because from here on out, nothing is going to be easy.”
“Hey look, the lights are dimming.” A man from the back yelled as he looked in awe at the center of the gym.
The room was barely lit up, as the man in gym shorts stood in the middle.
“Good morning everyone today is the commencement of the Moon Exam. This entire exam is in a paired squadron of three to four people. You will be given tasks to complete. Only a hand full of teams will be selected to head towards the Ceremonies of Neo Luna. Now then, here to announce the grouped teams…. Mr. Saon.!”
A near seven foot man, dressed with a dark blue sleeveless coat, and swayed blue pants came from the back. His hair was silver. As he stood, a mysterious aura could be felt from him. A presence that was unknown to most people. His presence seem to emanate hope and knowledge, the kind of man you could entrust your feelings to, and expect wisdom that rang through your mind.
Mr. Saon spoke in a baritone voice. He was a man who was stern, but always spoke earnestly. “Hello there everyone. Welcome to the Moon Examinations. Now as you know, the squadrons are grouped within three to four people. If your squadron has a fourth member, that is because you were allowed an alternate due to your records from the school. The fourth squadron member is able to participate just like everyone else. Remember, if you or any of your members die, or cease to exist within our current world, that is not our responsibility. Remember, you yourself took upon this task to better yourselves, you gain all rights and privileges allotted that come with being in the exam. Remember, team leaders are decided within the ceremonies.
He rose up his hand as a mysterious light flooded the area. He looked quickly through everyone, quickly assigning teams within his mind.
“I will now assign your teams. As I call your names, please come fourth and join the members of your group. After all this is done, I will give you instructions for the next portion of what’s to come
Velvana looked towards Mr. Saxon’s hand, as he pulled out a school roster with each classmate’s registered name.
Mr. Saon called out teams, as Velvana and Psyrus sat waiting to see if they would be chosen.
“Team Braiser. Kiyo Noratomi, Marry Night, and Siulana Martz. Please come fourth.”
“Psyrus, look at them. That team looks very interesting, and also a group that is looking for something greater then just a status change.” Velvana stared at them as they walked in the center. She felt a distinct aura, one that resembled aristocrats
A man with light brown hair noticed Velvana’s quick glance, “Hey Marry, look at that girl staring at us.”
“I don’t think we have to worry about her Kiyo, we must worry about ourselves for now.”
They began walking to the left side of the gym to await their next instructions.
“Team FAZE. Aso, Nash, and Halgert.”
“Team Nura. Naomi Kulatz, Natasha, and Anastasia.”
Psyrus kept close watch as to who was being called, as both girls still waited to see if they would be chosen. “Wow Velvana, all the teams called so far look quite impressive, and we still have several more people to go.”
“Team Shura. Nate Ko, Lain Mao, and Miyu K.”
“I hope they call us soon.” Velvana twitched as she sat in her seat.
“Team Exana.”
Everyone stood quiet as the name was mentioned.
“Velvana Vacrent, Psyrus, and Rainna Haze.
Marry pulled her shades up, lifting her white locks from her face, “That team….” Marry trailed her speech as they went to the center of the gym.
Velvana along with her partners walked as she join next to Team Shura. They were all leaning against a wall, that indicated they were all people who were called. As they stood, Velvana closely looked around as she heard many of the members talking amongst themselves.
“Team Night, Zan Ko, Tosh, and Alex.”
Nate, who is that man named Zan? Miyu shuttered as she looked into his scarred eyes.
“I am not quite sure….,” Nates voice trailed off as he got closer and closer.
“and finally, Team Xeocraft, Bob Taft, Ken Wu, and Lura Kate.”
The last remaining team jovially strutted towards the center. “Team Exana….,” Lura’s voice echoed throughout the gym. “That team…. Why does everyone keep staring at them, or looking at them as if they were some kind of fearful threat…”
The rest of you may leave.”
As Mr. Saon’s voice rang through the gym, the remainder of the students left.
“Geez, this is my second time trying out, and I still have not made it.” The student tossed his cap into the air as he stomped his foot towards the ground. His brown hair rustled in the wind as he looked on. “But that team…. I don’t understand why people kept looking at them. Even when the other teams were going up…. Everyone kept staring at certain people within them, but with Team Exana, all three members were looked upon… Something interesting is about to happen, that’s for sure.” He raised his hand as if making a half crescent symbol towards his head. “Someday, I will join alongside my own team….”
As everyone cleared the gym, the teams selected were standing before Mr. Saon. He clapped his hands, as he greeted the fellow students.
“Nice to see the teams that made it this far. As you know, you are paired up in this squadron for the rest of your time here at the Lunar Academy. Do try to socialize with each other, as you are going to be amongst each other for quite sometime. We chose your teams among records and the characteristics you hold as people. If the team leader of each group have a suggestion or would like an alternate member to join the group, let me know when you are making your decision to do so. Some of you are friends, and some of you are new to each other. I am sure that the lot of you will get used to each other as time goes on.”
Saon walked passed the teams, as he sternly looked over each individual. “Now as you know, you are all governed in your teams, if one of you seas to exist, that is within your own actions and not governed upon our school. Like I said before, you chose to participate at your own risk.” As he finished, everyone standing before him became surrounded in a shroud of light.
Velvana looked towards her left, as she noticed Rainna brushing her hair. “Rainna brushed her blonde hair aside. “What's going on here?”
Velvana’s heart pulsed as she felt something slowly awaken in her…. “Everyone, do you feel that?”
“Mr. Saon gently raised his hand to his head. “Calm yourselves, all I merely did was awaken your already growing potential. Each of you are good at certain skills and such, and can call upon when needed through your own will power. Now then as for the rest of the ceremony, all we have left is for all of you to undergo a small challenge that will decide if you become “MOON” status.”
Moon status was a sign of the beginning journey that each team would then embark on. This showed the determination the individuals wanted to embrace, while showing a sign of diligence. Guidance was a major part of the coming status as it meant each individual team learned guidance among themselves, while coping with newer situations.
Rainna twitched a bit, growing weary in awaiting their next set of instructions. “Velvana…. Do you believe how far each individual has come in their time of study here?
Velvana calmly spoke, “Yes, painful as it may seem, each of us have a want to be here. I believe Saon is ready to speak.”
“Now then, as you know, each team has a leader. All leaders have already been assigned to each team. The first name called out during each team that was announced, will be the leader of each group. This may be a daunting task for some of you, but know that you have companions at your side who will aid you In your new task. As for the task mentioned, each team will receive a task that they must take upon with no questions asked. At the end of that task, an apposing force will be their to challenge you. As a team, you must handle the situation as you see fit. It will be up to the force that is apposing you if you are ready to receive the guidance of the moon. When you are ready for what lies beyond you, please head towards the Shrine Of Advent to receive your task.
The shrine was a place of acceptance as well as the place of all major ceremonies that were held. The most talked about was the Lunar Ceremony, which promoted individuals to higher statuses as they earned the right of claiming the current rank involved. During these ceremonies, huge gatherings were held by the students, along with many outside businesses to cash in on the highly based gathering that was usually noted. This year was no exception as the wheels of time were beginning to turn once more.
Psyrus looked to her left as she gazed in Velvana’s eyes. “Well, here we go everyone.” Psyrus put her hand in the air as an energy of light surrounded her.
Rainna looked to her right, as she smiled at Velvana. “Seems like its time to begin. You may not know who I am, but you can count on me. As you know, my name is Rainna; I am from the Night District.” She raised her hand to join Psyrus’s.
“Well I am Psyrus from Aronus District.” The energy of light became stronger as both hands were touched.
Velvana smiled, “I am Velvana of Shila District.” As she raised her hand, the energy became stronger and stronger.
All together they shouted, “We are team Exana!”
As everyone left, a student with brown hair lurked in the shadows. “team Exana seem to be well bonded, even though they do not even know their third member.” He lifted up his glasses as he looked at the night sky. “Indeed, this is going to be a special time. I may not be involved, but I can watch and observe.” He raised his right hand, as he drew the half crescent symbol in the air. The symbol shined a blue color as it reflected through the night. “Team Exana… interesting this will be."
End of Chapter 2
Please post feedback! It would be much appreciated.
Ihave chapter 4 ready! I will post soon!
I mean.... chapter 3! Sorry for the misunderstanding. Here it is. It will be the next post under this one.
Goddesses of Lunar Advent Chapter 3
The Shrine of Advent was a building that was located in the outskirts of the Shila District. The building always emanated a light of purity, signifying the praise of hope being shone. During the day sunrays would peer from the temple, as if it appraised its purifying nature. At night, the building shimmered underneath the light of the guiding moonlight. The shrine was always the circle of attention when students reached higher ranks among the academy. The ceremonies held were called Neo Luna, in which students who passed the exam given to them would receive a mark displaying the new rank they had reached.
Exams were usually tests proving what the students had learned over the course of taking an exam. If a person or team should fail, they had to relinquish their studies for a year, in which they were allowed to search themselves as a test to why they failed to understand the meaning of the task given to them.
As Team Exana stood in front of the academy, the energy of their presence began to grow. the sensation of hope surrounded the girls. Velvana brought her pendant to her face as she looked closely at its design. The pendent was of a diamond shape that held a curved V at the center. “Well everyone, the time for our studies at the academy is about to be put to the test.”
Rainna kneeled down, beginning to draw on the pavement. She drew a curved symbol resembling the crescent from the gym. “So it seems. The nature of our squadron is so that we may grow to trust one another, and believe that we can achieve goals as a team. I believe the moon character from the book used to study represents the ever watchful nature of ones own knowledge to help one another. Don’t you agree Psyrus?” As she finished speaking, she gazed at her drawing intently, seeming to draw guidance from the imaginary figure.
“Well if it’s any indication of why guidance keeps ringing through my mind, then you are probably right. I wonder what our task is going to be though. Seeing as we are not allowed to question the actual task, then we must be prepared for anything. Seven long years of training throughout the academy is a long time to just give up now, know what I mean?” Psyrus looked at her right wrist, glaring at her winged scar.
Velvana released her pendant as her hair fluttered in the quiet wind. “Let us head back to our quarters and meet in front of the Lunis Passing directly in front of the shrine. Make sure you are prepared for anything, and you might want to get some kind of nourishment before leaving. I know we have just joined up as a team, but I wish to seek advice from my adopted mother. My role as your team leater will be one that is certainly going to put me to the test. Please understand, I simply wish to ready myself for the task laid before me. Well then, it is already half past noon, so let us meet at the designated area in about 2 hours.”
Psyrus drew closer towards Velvana, embracing her with a hug. “I understand Vel. You are probably the one who faces many more hardships then the rest of us. Know that I am at your side.” As Psyrus pulled away, she pressed her winged scar close to Velvana’s heart. “This is a sign of my loyalty to you.”
Rainna stepped forward, bringing her hand towards Velvana’s heart. As her hand came closer, Rainna’s hand began to glow. “With the loyalty invested in me, my honor as a woman who is close to the soul of both the moon and the dragon, I give you my word that my trust will never waver.” She brought her hand away, smiling firmly at Velvana.
Velvana’s face stood firm in her resolve. As she spoke, her words opened a deep place within her heart. “I thank you, as your leader, I will hold you in my heart as close as the vacrency crescent that rests upon my heart.”
Rainna and Psyrus nodded in agreement as both went their separate ways.
“See you there,” Psyrus shouted.
“Affirmative, I shall join with you at the rendezvous point,” Rainna spoke elegantly as she ran off.
Velvana clasped her pendant once more. Looks like I had better leave myself, no sense in just standing here waiting. Loosening her grip from the pendant, she looked back towards the campus once more.
“Hey there Vel, fancy seeing you here. Shouldn’t you be training or at least be with your new friends?”
Velvana diverted her gaze, looking behind her, noticing Falco coming towards her area on his hover board. “Hey there Falco, I see you’re taking a cruise. Are you on break?”
“Falco’s brown coat fluttered in the air as he lowered himself on the street. His board slowly lowered itself as he hovered by Velvana. “For now yes, I just got done running some minor errands, and thought I would cruise around for a bit. Business is usually slow after it gets closer towards the early evening. During the time I am allowed, I usually leave my setup to get minor things done, and to just get a chance of fresh air. Were you heading somewhere?”
Velvana nodded, “Yes, I was just on the way to my living quarters in Shila District.”
“Well then, how about I give you a ride. You don’t seem to have your hover board with you, and it would be nice to have some company join me for a moment.” Falco extended his hand and smiled.
“Hey, thanks. By the way, How about that Pasta Bread you offered me earlier?” Velvana grabbed his hand, as she hoisted herself onto the black hover board.
Hover boards were usually the means of Travel in Salvana. They were offered in different styles, and usually fit up to two people. The boards were usually flat, and came in a variety of shapes.
“Hold on tight, alright? “ Falco pointed towards a small control screen as Velvana climbed aboard.
The small control device emitted a florescent light, signifying the board was ready to take off. There were numerous buttons, with a small screen that held a map and status indicator. To the left of the screen was a small logo that read, “F’s Core.”
As the board took lift, a computerized voice could be heard. “All systems operating normal, resume take off.”
“Alright then.” Falco glanced at his control screen. “You ready? Make sure to balance yourself as best as you can, I will go a bit slower then my usual speed, since neither of us has traveled together. Just make sure you maintain your balance.”
“Don’t worry about me, go ahead and take off.” Velvana stood firmly as she looked behind Falco’s shoulders.
The hover board immediately took off as a propulsion engine could be heard from underneath the black felt top of the board. The sound was nothing of a loud nature, but only let out an eruptive noise as it took off. Continued in next post
“You live directly west of the campus, correct?” Falco quickly glanced at Velvana as his straight; shoulder length hair began to flourish in the wind.
“Yes, just keep heading west, and stop at the building with the address SH 56.”
“You got it, Vel. Before I forget, you had asked about a Pasta Bread, right? Behind you, there is a bag with freshly made breads. They contain tomato and garlic cheese sauce, sweet noodles mixed with bread crumbs, and a hint of my special sauce as extra flavor. If you need to take any to your mom, fill free, it’s on me.”
“Thanks a lot, I am quite hungry and need something before I continue on with my day. I shall take them before I leave.”
They continued onward as they crossed the ID Checkpoint. Falco quickly lowered as he slipped his ID into the card reader.”
A man lifted up his glasses as he noticed Falco insert his card. “Thank you sir, you may continue onward, don’t worry about your companion, I can see you are trying to get somewhere, so go on ahead.”
“Thanks, have a good day.” Falco gave him a thumbs up as he continued forward. “By the way, how did the morning ceremony go? I saw Psyrus after you ran off towards campus earlier, did she end up being teamed up with you?”
Velvana smiled, “Yes, and along with a new girl named Rainna. I have never seen her before, but she seems nice.”
“Well, that’s good, hope everything works out for you and your new teamates. We are almost at your house.” Falco gazed at the map screen once more; he spotted Velvana’s living quarters.
Velvana pointed, “There it is, set me down in front of the building.”
“You got it.” As they came closer to Velvana’s living quarters, Falco instructed his board to dock.
“Velvana reached into Falco’s brown bag, pulling out two pasta breads wrapped in thin paper. “Thanks again, Falco.” Velvana jumped off the board, taking the breads with her.
“Hey no problem Vel, anything to help out.” He smiled as he rose in the air.
“See you later Falco,” she waved goodbye as he departed.
Velvana walked towards her house, as the entrance door automatically provided a pathway inside. “Mother, I am home.”
“Welcome back, I hope your morning events went well.” Mahiro’s voice could be heard as Velvana walked inside.
“Very well thanks. By the way, Falco gave me some Pasta Bread so that we could have.” She placed the pasta bread on top of a white round table in front of their couch. The room was an open living space that held several smaller tables, a bar that was adjacent to a kitchen area, and a large plush blue couch that was positioned in front of the smaller tables.
Velvana looked around, noticing Mahiro walking in from a nearby hallway.
“Thanks for the bread dear. It’s always good to eat your friend’s food. He really does a good job. By the way, I was wondering if your friend Psyrus is apart of your team for the academy?”
“Yes she is. I am happy to see her with our team, as we have been friends for a long time.” Velvana unraveled the paper from the bread as she sat down on the couch.
“That’s good to hear. Just remember that everything is now up to you and your teammates. Always try to consider everything your teammates have to offer, and try to make decisions that are best for everyone. Your father and mother would be proud to see you today.” Mahiro kneeled down, looking into Velvana’s eyes.
Velvana took a bite of her food, looking at Mahiro’s white gown. As she finished chewing, she spoke tenderly, acknowledging what Mahiro spoke of. “I know they would, I know that they would be happy to see you taking care of me. By the way, what ever happen to your team members, you never told me.”
“That is something that will have to wait for later my dear. I may be of a higher rank then you, but as someone who watches over you, and who still is pledged to the academy, the time is not right for you to know. In due time you will understand though.”
Velvana finished her food, laughing calmly. “That’s just like you mother, always watching out for me, even when I was younger. Well whatever the reason, I am sure you have your own reasons for not letting me know at this time. By the way, are the hover boards ready to use?”
“Yes, they arrived not to long ago. There is one that is already available to use. Just head out back and you will find the board. When they got delivered, I immediately set one up so that you could use. I have some errands that I must do myself, so I will be leaving here shortly.” Mahiro smiled as she looked into Velvana’s eyes.
Velvana stood up, looking firmly into her mother’s eyes. “Before I go, I would like to ask you. How did you deal with being a leater? I know the task set before me is a long one, and one that will impress many new strings of life on me.”
Mahiro stood up, bringing Velvana close to her. She hugged her tightly, embracing her firmly. “My dear, know this. That crescent is a sign of the leadership once held by your mother. The path before you is a hard one, one that will instill many blessings and curses. Always remember the pledge of loyalty is one that should never be broken. Should it be broken, ones soul is drawn to darkness. As the mother figure in your life, I will watch over you until the day comes that you should have to make a decision.” Mahiro pulled away, wavering her hand in accordance to the shape of a moon. “Stratus of the moon, kindle with her soul, and give praise to her heart.” A waterfall of moon energy sparked upon Velvana’s crest. “See the crest you hold so dear to your heart, it is entrusting you with its legacy. Now then, begin your journey, and follow the path you see fit.”
Velvana’s face began to generate soft tears from her eyes. She spoke tenderly “Thank you, I will remember your words. Well then, its time to go. I need to go meet with my team near the Shrine of Advent.”
“Alright dear, I wish you luck. Remember what I told you earlier.” Mahiro distant herself, smiling at Velvana. May you prosper as I once did for your journey has just begun. She placed her arms over Velvana once more, hugging her gently.
Velvana smiled, looking into Mahiros eyes. “Alright then, see you in a while mother.” As Mahiro released her hold, Velvana brushed her hair back smiling once more. Velvana walked outside her quarters as she circled around towards the back area.
The area was a small garden filled with purple and blue flowers. They blossomed regularly since Mahiro loved to grow flowers in her garden area. In the middle laid a long board with round edges. The board was of a crystal blue color.
Continued on next post
“Time to go then, hope everyone else is on their way. It’s near 3, so it should be time for us to head out.” She boarded her new board, taking hold of the control mechanism.
Velvana tapped the screen as a computerized voice spoke. The voice was of a girl’s that spoke with a moderate tone. “Please state your name.”
Velvana Vacrent.”
“Acknowledged, all user preferences are now set for your voice. Take off when ready.”
Velvana took hold of the controls as she glanced at the map. “Alright then, ready for lift off. Let’s go!”
The board lifted itself off the ground, as it began gearing for travel. It immediately took to the air as Velvana guided the board with her controls.
“If I head south from my position, I should reach the shrine a lot quicker then just taking a scenic route. I need to get there as quick as possible. She adjusted the speed from her controller as she turned her board pointing south. The propulsion engine roared quietly as Velvana took off.
Beginning her ascent into the sky, Velvana noticed a high amount of traffic roaming the skies. The air was filled with many people who were riding on their boards. Most of the time people would ride to enjoy the air. During certain times of the day, races were held. The races were usually long distances, as the point was to show off ones skill at riding their hover boards.
Better step on it, there are a lot of hoverers around me, and I need to get to the Lunis Passing. Velvana adjusted the speed once more as her board began accelerating its pace. She soared through the sky, passing many buildings below her. It’s a good thing the shrine is accessible to everyone, I don’t feel like stopping just for an ID Check.”
As she drew closer and closer to her destination, Velvana could hear several boarders closing in behind her.
“Vel, I see you’re almost near the Lunis Passing. Psyrus rode in as she floated near the right side of Velvana’s board.
“Velvana, I see you have already neared the Lunis Passing.” As Rainna spoke, she positioned herself on Velvana‘s left side.
“Good, we are all here. The Lunis passing is directly ahead, all we need to do is cross it and dismount from our boards.
The Lunis Passing was a bridge that separated the governing district of Shila and the shrine. The bridge was marked as a landscape that guided people in their on going training. Students mostly used it as a training ground so that they would improve their growing skills.
As they passed the bridge, a temple giving off a holy aura could be seen up ahead. The building radiated with guidance as the sun’s rays gleamed above the temple.
“Well then, let us begin.” Velvana hovered towards the ground, disembarking from her board.
“Affirmative.” Rainna hovered near Velvana, dismounting from her board.
“Alright then, let’s get to work.” Psyrus followed behind Rainna, joining up with her teammates.
As they dismounted their boards, each individual board hovered down. As each board touched the ground, their propulsion engines slowly disengaged. The shrine opened its thick temple doors as Velvana and her teammates stood before its grounds. Upon entering the shrine, a deep voice of inquisitiveness rang through the atmosphere. “State you’re the adherence of training that the three of you hail in.”
Rainna stepped forward as she spoke. She spoke in a voice that boasted honor and wisdom. “I am Rainna Haze, wielder of the Dragon’s Moon.” She kneeled down, looking towards the sky.
Psyrus stepped forwards, standing at a short distance from Rainna. Her voice expressed energy, one that was filled with toughness. “I am Psyrus, wielder of the Twin Zenith style. She kneeled down as Rainna did, looking upon the dark blue ceiling.
Velvana stopped in the middle of her teammates. As she spoke, her presence gave off an aura of strength. Her hair began to wave in the air as she stood. “I am Velvana Vacrent, wielder of the Sacred Vacrency style, and leader of team Exana.” As she kneeled down, the mysterious voice spoke once more.
“Acknowledged, Team Exana, the given task you are to undertake is to travel within the Caves of Lunis, and retrieve the Moon’s Shard resting within the deep dwellings of the Cave. Arise and step forward. Touch the Crystal Of Neo Luna. Once done, you will be teleported to the Cave of Lunis. Once you have completed your task, an opposing force will challenge you. Govern yourselves well, may you return with the knowledge of the Moon.”
Team Exana rose up. They stepped forwards. Velvana was directly at the head of the team, with Psyrus to her right, and Rainna to her left. As they stepped forward, Velvana brought her hand closer to touch the white crystal that started to emanate a holy glow.
“It is time everyone, take hold as I touch the crystal.” Velvana placed her hand towards the crystal. Psyrus placed her hand directly on top of Velvana’s, followed by Rainna who placed her hand on top of Psyrus’s.
They all shouted, “Team Exana, let the goddess of Luna be our guide!” As they completed their speech, a white light surrounded the area, engulfing them as they disappeared from sight.
End of chapter 3
Post. Enjoy. questions, comments, feedback, fill free to post, or send me a email at clouddragonx@hotmail.com
Fonzie!
Very good development! I'm finally not lost, confused, or befuddled! lol However, just as a reader, I'd like ot see more description fo faces, eyes, places, and so forth. you as the third-person omnicient narrtor have the powre to set the mood, atmosphere and stuff so use that ability to your advantage and really transport the reader. Put the reader in Velvan'as shoes, if you will.
Good job, though!
Look forward to reading more!
Iris
At first I wasn't sure what to think, but as I continued reading, I was able to get into the story. I really enjoy it. I hope to read more soon. Keep up the good work. Oh, by the way, you were right. The name does grow on you.
You're a wonderful writer and I wish you luck with completing this story. You never know... you could branch it out into a young adult series like Harry Potter and find ways to explain more about the full process of study at the Lunar Academy. I look forward to the next chapters to come!
thanks for the replies zoners. I will be posting the next chapter soon. Just need to edit it some, and do some fine tuning. Thanks a lot! Check back for more updates soon!
Good evening all! I am ready to post my new chapter of the story. Most of it is well rounded, but their are still some sketchy edits and such needed to be done. I did the best I could for now, and thought I would post it. I hope you all enjoy it!
I welcome any comments and such given. Email me with the email given in the previous posts, send me a private message so that my inbox can be fluttered in the zone, or just simply give your feedback here. I hoe you all enjoy! Chapter 5 is in its works now. I will continue to edit Chapter 4 as I get the time.
For now, this is as good as it can get.
Again, enjoy!
Chapter 4
“Guidance… the ever watchful eye of judgment. The instance of gathering knowledge, impacting a great fate. Should this guidance swell inside, the moon recognizes the eyes of light upon the ones who seek it.”
The light subsided, leaving Team Exana in a sparking cavern of dark moon shaded walls. The cavern itself generated a feeling of mystery, one only answered to individuals seeking a purpose that wished to be guided. Velvana and her teammates finally became aware of their location, ready for anything that approached.
Rainna spoke, gracing her team with knowledge concerning their situation. “The Lunis Caverns appears to be that of a harmless locale, but remember Soulemers wander around these parts.”
Velvana commended her for the notice. “Correct, Soulemers are the basic entity of life with know purpose. If one should lose purpose, their hearts become cold, resulting in a lifeless being.”
Psyrus nodded. “Don’t forget that soulemers come in all forms. From humans, to demons, so be on guard everyone.”
“Affirmative,” Rainna replied.
They began walking through the cave, noticing the sparking dark walls more and more. The walls seeped of eyes watching their every move, as if their reflections mirrored in the dark rocks. Continuing their walk, the caves grew dimmer, presenting its challenge to its adversaries.
A loud screech could be heard in the distance, one that echoed through the caverns dark aura. “Everyone, halt,” Velvana spoke earnestly. “Draw your desired weapons, something in coming.
“Right,” Psyrus agreed. “Dusk of fallen times, come fourth. Dawn, Falling dusk.” As she spoke boldly, a blade with a winged handle appeared in her hand. The blade was a mid size one, with a thick edge.
“Dragon’s scars, be my guide. “Dawn Dragonlight.” Flames surrounded Rainna, producing a whip made of dragon’s scales in her right hand.
Velvana’s fist began to glow, “Alright then, move out.” They treaded forward, arriving in front of a group of Soulemers. Two were soldiers wearing black uniforms with traditional long swords. The third was a creature with huge scales, arms with long claws, and teeth that dripped with blood. Lastly, a bird warped into a dragon like creature. His beak was that of a dragon’s mouth, feathers garnered with dragon scales, and eyes that gave a piercing glare.
Psyrus immediately engaged the clawed creature, striking it on its massive right arm. The creature snarled, bringing its huge claws to attack. She quickly blocked the attempt. As she stood her ground, Psyrus focused her energies towards the current task that was laid before her. She brought her sword towards her bosom to prepare for her next attack. Her face expressed the want of fighting, enjoying the challenge set before her. She spoke confidently, showing her burst of energy given to her from the current challenge set before her. “Take care of the rest; I will hold this one off.”
“Roger.” Rainna drew her whip in the air, thrusting its forced towards the flying bird. She began to think on her situation, taking into consideration what was set before her. “Must draw it in my range. My whip is certainly long enough, but any attack that I throw at him, he will evade. Calling its attention is my first priority at the moment.”
The bird gave a threatening roar, firing a burst of energy towards Rainna. The shot was aimed at her chest, giving off a burning sensation as it drew closer and closer.
Rainna quickly jumped into the air, bringing her whip towards the creature. She quickly gave a snap of her whip, as it began to curl in the air, extending its length to surround her foe.
The creature gave an evil hissing sound, as Rainna unraveled the whip to bring her foe down. The dragon like creature lost its balance, charging directly towards the ground. Upon finishing her attack, she quickly landed on the rock smooth floors, as she continuously gazed at her opponent in hopes of gaining the advantage.
As the two engaged their enemies, Velvana took on the two soldiers that remained. They stood in line, as if they followed military rules. Both held their swords ready to attack. They dashed towards her, giving a battle cry in hopes of defeating her. Each brought their sword up hoping to inflict a damaging blow.
Velvana quickly evaded both their attacks, returning a punch towards one’s back. Like a domino affect, the one she attacked, leaned towards her ally, sending both down to the floor. One of the soldiers quickly stood up, leaving his partner to regroup himself.
He drew his sword in a dashing position once more, but this time his eyes glowed blood red. He screamed, dashing with his sword glowing red. Velvana saw through his attack, and jumped back. “Now it’s my turn.”
She brought her right hand towards her heart. She began to concentrate deeply. As she prepared for her attack, the soldier attempted another dashing strike. Velvana’s hand began to glow resembling the color of her hair. She shouted, “Thrusting Burst!”
As the soldier came in contact to strike, Velvana’s right hand quickly emerged on the offensive. As she stroke her opponent, a burst of crystal blue energy emanated from her fist. The soldier flew back, clutching his heart. As his soul faded into particles, the second soldier stood up. “One more to go,” she said.
With Velvana still contending with her enemies, Rainna stayed focused on her task. She scanned the creature, in hopes of reading his next move. The dragon like creature barely gathered its wits, as he started to fly once more. He swooped down, aiming for her head. She drew her whip once more. As soon as the creature came in contact, Rainna quickly jumped back. While in the air, she began to dance, producing a drawing of a dragon’s scale in the air. “She calmly spoke, “Flare Shot.” Her whip began to catch on fire as if the burning desire within her heart became visible through her own attack. She attacked in the creature’s direction, aiming directly for its feathery heart. As the ball of fire came closer, the creature’s eyes finally notice its descent. It slowly tried to get away. Rainna quickly shot three more shots surrounding the creature.
Each directly hit the creature in its heart, sending it to the floor. Its soul faded, while Rainna landed on her feet, she brought her hand to her purple leather armor, placing it on her crescent symbol representing a moon. The symbol glowed upon her heart, as she bowed. “Elegant fight,” she honorably said. After she stood up, she looked towards Psyrus, noticing that she was still engaging the enemy.
Psyrus continued her attack against the scaled creature. She quickly slashed its right arm. “Quite the powerful creature you are….” She withdrew her attack, trying to plan her next move.
The creature erupted in pain, letting out a loud scream. It scowled at its wound, refocusing its attention towards his pray. He ran towards Psyrus, in hopes of inflicting a damaging blow.
Psyrus immediately read her opponent, taking to the air. As her feet left the ground, Psyrus saw an opening to finish her opponent off. She drew her blade close to her chest. The blade complemented her black leathered tank top, as it emitted a holy glow. The sword became consumed with energy, expressing the heed of call from Psyrus’s soul. She quickly slashed towards the hulking creature before her. As she stroke towards her opponent, a wing like projectile began to emerge. “Shine Burst!” The projectile guided itself towards its opponent.
The creature tried to block the incoming attack, hoping to embrace an advantage over its adversary. Upon impact, the creature let out a piercing scream, as his body was consumed by Psyrus’s attack.
Psyrus landed on her feet, bringing her right hand towards her bosom. The scar began to glow, acknowledging her will to fight. She looked towards Velvana, giving a nod in approval.
Velvana focused her energies towards her last opponent. The soldier, already standing up, prepared for his attack. Just like his partner, he began to glow.
Velvana noticed the same pattern from before. She placed her hand against her heart, concentrating her energy.
As the soldier drew closer and closer, Velvana sidestepped his attempt. She shouted, “Thrusting Burst.” She stroke with her right hand, hitting the soldier at his heart. The soldier fell to the ground, as his soul shattered.
She drew a v close to her heart, indicating that she has completed her current task. “Well everyone lets move forward. Amidst all the fighting that was going on, we cannot lose focus of what we came here for.
Rainna and Psyrus both joined in agreement, giving a nod in approval.
They continued their walk, noticing the caves getting deeper and deeper. Rainna and Psyrus both kept their weapons out, in case of any incoming attacks.
Velvana scanned the area as they walked. She noticed a small beam of light shining through the area they were walking in. “Rainna, Psyrus, do you see that?” She pointed towards the faint light, hoping her teammates would recognize it.
Psyrus noticed what Velvana was referring to. “Indeed I do. It’s as if its presence circles around us.
Velvana took the situation into consideration, “Quickly, I would like to see something. Psyrus, can you please head back to the area where we were fighting?”
“Of course.” Psyrus trailed back several yards behind them, calling out, “Alright, I am here.”
Velvana scanned the area. “I see, the light seems to fade out if we are not together. Psyrus, call towards the symbol that binds you. Rainna, do the same. The light responds to our call of guidance, so join Psyrus in the same area.”
“Affirmative. The circumstances of our situation catch on quick in your eyes.” Running along, she joined Psyrus.
Psyrus placed her winged scar towards her heart, concentrating its worth to her. The symbol began to glow brightly, heeding her call of need.
Rainna joined next to Psyrus, placing her hand upon her heart. A moon shard formed on her hand, as she called to its worth.
Velvana, gazing at the light, began to place her hand upon her heart. Her pendant began to glow. “As I thought, a factor of guidance is the link between us. Something else is missing though. Seems like we will have to press forward to uncover the rest.”
As they gave their sentiments towards what they held dear, a light suddenly appeared in the middle of Team Exana. The spiraling light was directly in the middle from Velvana’s location, towards Psyrus and Rainna’s location.
Both Psyrus and Rainna rushed towards Velvana’s position. They stared at the spiraling light, expressing a glance of surprise.
Rainna spoke knowledgeably, “Seems like the sentiments that we hold dear are the result of this entity of light. Whether its presence is for the good or for the bad of our purpose, it’s probably best that we take it into consideration.”
Velvana glanced over towards Psyrus, and smiled. “That is correct. When you noticed the faint light, it came to my attention that it might react to our hearts. Now then, as for our course of action, I believe it’s our only lead towards reaching our goal.”
Psyrus smiled like Velvana. “Well, I certainly think that our next course of action should be taken with caution. As far as the light before us, both are correct. Let’s not throw our guard down though.”
“Affirmative,” Rainna replied.”
“Then it’s settled then. Let’s take hold of our sentimental values and embrace the light before us.”
Team Exana stood close to the light, embracing the symbols they each held dear. Each member felt their heart beating within each others mind, as if they were each trying to call towards each other.
“The string of guidance is ours to hold. Let the light become one with us, and guide us through our darkest hours of need.” As Velvana spoke, her hair withered in the air, as the light absorbed each team member.
Within the shadows of the cave, a voice of confidence could be heard. A man with a withering cloak, long brown hair, and black clothing emerged. “Quite the interesting team. That girl with the crystal blue hair seems to call judgment within her peers, and yet seems to follow her heart. Yet, I am the one who must test them. Guidance is one that is recognized in two ways. One is within the heart; the other is within the mind. They have expressed the first qualification of guidance, but now its time to prove themselves to me.” The man laughed calmly, expressing his attitude of the task set before him. “Mistress Zeddrick, I am honored to test the beings you dearly observe. Time to commence the guidance of the moon exam.”
He clutched his fist tightly, brushing his hair behind him. As he disappeared, he laughed calmly, leaving his presence forever marked upon the caverns that surrounded him.
End of Chapter 4
Thanks for the support! Again, I hope you enjoy it, and comments, feedback, and so fourth is greatly appreciated.
fonzie!
It's getting more and more interesting. Keep up the good work.
Hey, I really liked the vivid descriptions htat you incorporated in your fight scenes!
Kepp ti up!
Sorry for doubleposting! Screnreader's beeing a brat!
Anyway, as I said, I really liked your vivid imagery in the fight scene! As far as i know, it's not like any of the other anime or stories that make use of magical weapons. Unlike Sailor moon or Wedding Peach, the heroines don't have to go through inane dance sequences just to transform! Ugg!
Keep it up!
I look forward to reading more!
P.S. You may want to look at the wording of some of your phrases and review some of your sentence structures because I found myself, on occasion, finishing a sentence slightly confused on the meaning.
I agree with the others. Aside from a few grammar glitches here and there, the story is shaping up quite well and it still holds it substance and meaning. Keep up the great work. You've pulled your readers in this far, keep them coming!
thanks for your replies everyone! I fixed a lot on the chapter, and aded a few touches here and there. Chapter five will be due in sometime next week. Hopefully by friday at the latest. Keep the responses coming! If anyone is interested in seeing the revised works, let me know! thanks.
Fonzie!
Hello there everyone, for those of you who wanted the read the next chapter of the story. It will have to wait, sadly. had to do a lot of chores and such these past few days. This lead to not finishing the chapter, and I will have to finish it sometime next week. So, for those who would like a consalation, I am offering another chapter of a story. I will be posting it up immediately, so look for it if you like my work.
When I provide the update to this chapter, I will post the info on the newer topic I am doing.
take care!
Fonzie!